


Metaphorical (and Literal) Closets

by johnllauren



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Biphobia, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, M/M, The ocs are minor characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-18 13:24:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4707503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnllauren/pseuds/johnllauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell has it all.</p><p>That’s what most people think, anyway. Good grades, popularity, friends, girls throwing themselves at him. Dan has no plans to tell them the secret he’s been harboring for years. Let them think I’m perfect, he figures.</p><p>Until that secret comes out. (Literally).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Metaphorical (and Literal) Closets

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for the Phandom Games 2015 on tumblr for round 1. But that round's over, so I'm posting it here.

Daniel Howell has it all.

That’s what most people think, anyway. Half-decent marks – most of the time – in nearly all his classes, a vast friend group full of people willing to do whatever he says, girls throwing themselves at him constantly, and the unofficial title of the most popular kid in school. What does he _not_ have?

Needless to say, they didn’t know the whole truth. Of course they don’t. All of this “popular” shit is just a disguise, not that Dan would ever say that out loud. Being popular is an easy way to mask any secrets or insecurities. It’s better to act like you’re the most narcissistic piece of trash to walk this earth than to spend the entire day avoiding people’s glances and being one of those emo kids. 

He muses over all of this while a group of girls walk by. They must be new, since he doesn’t recall seeing them around. The skirts of their uniform are too short to be abiding by dress code, but nobody seems to be doing anything about it. One of them points at Dan. Barely-masked giggles and too-loud whispering ensures, all of it aimed at him. Not like he isn’t used to it.

Dan smiles their way and one of the girls almost swoons. Everybody’s so easy to impress, it’s almost pathetic. He winks. The blonde one walks right into a locker. 

This is terribly fun.

“Oi, Dan! Get over here, what’s taking you so long?” One of his friends, Robbie, calls. He’s standing amongst a group of fifteen or so people. There’s no doubt they’re looking for Dan.

He smiles cockily. “Have to show off the goods, don’t I?” 

A few eye rolls. “You act like you’re doing the world a favor by existing.” Oh-so-arrogant Jessica sneers. The only reason people put up with her is because she’s popular. Dan wonders if that’s why people like _him,_ but he doesn’t really give a shit. 

“You act like I’m not.” That earns him some laughs and even a few hoots. Yes, this is certainly too easy. 

First bell breaks their conversation off. Students hurry to and fro, looking for their lockers and friends and classrooms. Dan takes his time, strolling leisurely to his locker and taking his history books out slowly. He has to wait for everybody to be seated before making a theatrical entrance into the classroom just before the late bell rings. After all, he has a reputation to uphold. Being a high school hottie isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 

The day passes like any other day would, in that Dan puts up a front and laughs around with the popular kids and pretends to enjoy himself. Sometimes playing this part is damn exhausting, but he only has half a year left, and then he’s off to uni, and it’s smooth sailing from there. 

Well, it’s almost like any other day. 

As Dan’s putting his books in his locker and getting ready to leave the school building, he overhears Robbie talking to James, another friend. They’re talking about that television show with the gay couple on it. Dan can’t help but feel a sinking sensation in his chest.

“Dan, did you see the fags on the TV last night?” James asks him as he adjusts his backpack.

He closes his locker with a bit too much force. “Don’t call them that.” For the record, he very much did see the television show, and it made him extremely happy.

“Why not? It’s what they are.” Robbie laughs coldly. A few of Dan’s cronies nod in agreement. 

Dan can’t stand this. “What do you have against them anyway?”

“It’s _unnatural.”_ Tara, one of Jessica’s followers, says.

Dan shakes his head as they walk through the hallway. “You wouldn’t think that if you knew someone who’s gay.” The entire school adores him. If he says he’s bi, they won’t mind. Perhaps they’ll even be open minded about it. 

Robbie scoffs. “Stop defending the fags.”

To keep from screaming or lashing out violently, Dan balls his hands up in the fabric of his shirt. 

“Why are you defending them anyway? Are you a gay?” 

He shouldn’t say it. He’s not going to say it. “I’m bisexual.” 

He said it. 

There’s a pause. Nobody in the entire group says anything. They just stare at Dan, mouths wide open. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that he really shouldn’t have said that. Oh, fuck, he really shouldn’t have said that.

Robbie cups his hands around his mouth. “Hey, everybody!” He shouts. Everybody in the hallway looks up, because that’s what they do when one of the popular kids has something to say. 

“Dan’s a –” 

Dan doesn’t hear the rest because he’s already taken off running. 

 

-.-.-

 

Dan doesn’t get much sleep that night. Okay, scratch that – he doesn’t get any sleep. Instead he spends the night panicking more than he’s ever panicked before while miscellaneous movies on Netflix play in the background. He really, genuinely tries to pay attention to the screen. He just can’t. Not while his thoughts are running at thousands of miles per hour. 

He’s in the middle of some shitty movie when his alarm clock goes off. Dan ponders faking sick for the next day – or year – but ultimately decides against it. He has to face this. If he stays home, he’ll just be even more nervous. It’s better to get this over with.

On the walk to school, Dan’s entire body is practically shaking. He isn’t sure if it’s from nerves or the excessive amount of caffeine he’s consumed in such a short amount of time. Probably both. Most likely both.

Dan shuffles through the hallways, trying his very best not to draw attention to himself. The hood of his jumper is pulled up and in front of his face, but he should’ve known at least somebody would recognize him. 

Forget hanging out with his old friends. They sneer at him as he reaches his locker, calling him every name in the goddamn book. That’s okay. He doesn’t need them anyway. He can always befriend someone else. There are plenty of people in the school.

“Hi,” Dan says to the boy with the locker next to him. He thinks his name is Keith.

“What do you want?” Maybe-Keith jeers, “A threesome?” 

Dan watches dejectedly as the boy pulls his backpack on, slams his locker shut, and storms off to his first class. Well. This is certainly going wonderfully. 

By the time his fifth class is over, Dan is ready to just drop everything and leave the damn school. Apparently, at least three quarters of the entire school knows he’s bi. And those few souls who don’t are probably soon to be informed. He can’t walk through the hallways without someone calling him a name.

The day can’t get much worse.

Or at least that’s what Dan thought. 

No, it can most certainly get worse. As Dan is morosely making his way to his locker, he’s unpleasantly surprised. Somebody wrote something in red paint on the door of his locker. Dan can’t quite make it out from across the hallway, so he quickens his pace and elbows through a few groups of people to get to his locker.

Sure enough, somebody’s written “FAG” across his locker in bright red paint, so nobody could even think about missing it. Dan almost immediately recognizes the handwriting as Robbie’s. It’s big and clunky, using capital letters that can’t be forgotten. 

Dan mutters a curse. He can feel his eyes getting wet, and god damn it he is not going to cry in the middle of the school building. Not where everyone can find him so easily. 

So he just leaves. He’s skipped classes plenty of times before. Without giving it a second thought, Dan just runs out. 

Of course, he needs a game plan. Fuck, he hadn’t thought of that. So he just circles the school again and again and again, wracking his mind for places to go. He can’t go home in case one of his parents gets home early. He could always just walk into town. But that wouldn’t work. Someone would recognize him. He’s in his damn school uniform, for God’s sake. 

The only thing Dan really wants to do is sleep. 

He keeps walking around and around school, blowing off steam. At first he tries to stop crying, but every time he tries to hold the tears in, he just cries harder. Dan ends up just wiping his tears on the sleeve of his jumper.

Until finally, _finally_ Dan spots somewhere to go. It’s a tiny little closet next to the school, hidden among the trees. He can only see it from one angle, so it must be pretty hard to find. Nobody would suspect to find him in there. It’s perfect. 

The game plan is simple. Dan’s going to walk in, hide in the corner, and take a nap. He hasn’t planned out all the rough edges yet, but it should be simple enough for him to make up some on-the-spot excuses if he gets caught.

Dan opens the door very carefully after triple-checking that nobody’s watching him. He slips in and shuts it as quickly as he came in, just to make sure nobody could follow him in. His crippling fear of the dark doesn’t even occur to him until he turns around and is faced with the pitch darkness of the closet laid out before him.

Okay. There has to be a light switch somewhere.

After awkwardly groping the wall for who knows how long, Dan discovers the light switch and flips it on as soon as he can. 

He doesn’t know what he was expecting from the closet.

Spare school supplies, maybe. Costumes for the drama club, perhaps. Tables and chairs and desks, possibly. A completely empty room with cement floors like a prison, even. But not this. No, never this.

Dan nearly fucking jumps out of his skin when he sees the boy in the corner.

Sitting literally right in front of him is Phil Lester, the boy who was his science partner a few months ago when they dissected that frog. He’s so skinny and pale that he looks like a ghost, the only thing bringing color to his features being his bright blue eyes framed by those huge glasses and pitch black hair.

Phil looks up from vigorously scrawling away in that ratty notebook of his. “Oh. Hey, Dan!” He greets cordially, like there is absolutely nothing weird about this picture at all. 

“Jesus, Phil, you scared the shit out of me!” Dan gasps, clutching his chest. 

Phil raises an eyebrow. “I’m not the one that just barged in here, am I?” 

“Sorry.” 

Phil laughs. “You don’t have to be. We both gave each other near heart attacks.” 

Dan scuffs his school shoes on the cement ground of the closet, at a loss for words. He doesn’t want to nap now that he knows there’s somebody else in here, but he

“Are you going to shut off the light?” Phil inquires, “They’d catch us otherwise.”

The room is plunged into darkness yet again. It takes Dan’s eyes a while to adjust, but light trickles in from the cracks between the door and the walls. There’s a tiny little window hidden by clothing, but it still makes it easier to see.

“So… why are you in here?” Dan asks, apparently not above small talk.

Phil places his pen inside the notebook and sets it on the ground. “Classes are boring, it’s nice and quiet in here, and nobody notices me sneak out anyway.”

But that’s not true. Dan’s noticed Phil leaving the school plenty of times. 

Ever since Phil didn’t show up to science class that time while they were partners, Dan’s secretly kept an eye on him. Sometimes he can be caught sneaking out the back door of the school building, only to reappear some time later in the day. Not that Dan would ever question the other boy about it, but it’s definitely a subject of speculation. 

“I could ask you the same question.” Phil says, jolting Dan back into reality.

“You haven’t heard?” Dan asks. Excellent. He’ll have to come out all over again and then he’ll be ostracized even from this closet that was supposed to be a safe haven.

Phil hesitates. “Heard what? About you?” 

Dan nods. 

“Oh! Of course I’ve heard about that.” Phil informs him. “No offense or anything, but I think the entire school knows by now.”

“And you’re not… disgusted?” 

Phil shakes his head vigorously. “Why would I be disgusted?”

A shrug is offered in response.

“You know, that still doesn’t explain why you’re here.” 

Dan casts his gaze to the cement floor. “I just… needed to get out of that place for a while, is all.”

Phil sends him a look that says ‘I don’t believe you,’ but otherwise drops the issue. “Would you like to eat lunch with me?” 

“In here?”

He nods.

Dan considers weighing his options, but he already knows his answer. “Sure.” 

The other boy waves for Dan to sit down, and he complies. They set their brown paper bags like they’re having a picnic, which Dan supposes they are. Phil opens up his sandwich and makes a face. He then pulls something yellow off the bread and holds it out like it has the plague before placing it on the ground a good ten feet away from them.

“What was that?”

Phil shivers in mock disgust. “Cheese.”

“Why’d you put it over there?”

“There’s some sort of animal that lives here. I never see it, but it graciously accepts my cheesy offerings and my mum doesn’t stop putting cheese on my sandwich no matter how many times I told her not to, so it works out.” He says it like the most normal thing in the world. 

Dan decides not to question it and instead peels his own cheese from his sandwich and offers it to the animal. 

“It’s going to get fat,” Phil tells him with a laugh.

“I’m sure the rat won’t mind being a little fat.”

“Don’t just assume it’s a rat! It could be a… leprechaun or something.”

Now it’s Dan’s turn to laugh. “Yes, Phil, a leprechaun is coming in here to steal your cheese every day.”

“That’s not true! I’m willingly giving it my cheese!” 

Lunch period ends way too soon. Phil hears the bell and considers going back, figuring that if he makes a run for it, he can be seated in history class just before the late bell rings, but ultimately decides against it. Dan tells him to go, saying “don’t let me keep you from getting your education,” but he doesn’t show any signs of going back either. They both decide to stay in there just a little bit longer. But just a little bit.

It’s really no surprise that they stay in the closet for much longer than they had expected to. Because how are they supposed to keep checking their phones for the time when they’re in the middle of some very interesting conversations? Besides, nobody could give a shit about physics if they tried. 

What does come as a surprise, though, is that Dan’s never kissed anyone.

“What do you mean you’ve never kissed anyone?” Phil asks, incredulous. 

Dan shrugs. “It’s pretty self-explanatory. I’ve just never kissed anybody.”

“But aren’t you supposed to be the popular one?”

He can’t help flushing at that. “Well, yeah, but being popular doesn’t mean you have to kiss people. Everyone just throws themselves at you. It’s quite annoying, really.”

Phil doesn’t seem entirely convinced. 

“Hey! I bet you haven’t kissed anyone either!” 

Now it’s Phil’s turn to blush, and Dan grins triumphantly. “At least I have an excuse!”

“And what would that excuse be?”

“That I’m actually the nerdiest person in the school.” Phil says. Dan’s about to tell him it isn’t true, but Phil interrupts him. “I’m so nerdy that I sneak out of school so I can write.” He points out.

There’s a small silence after that, the conversation hanging in the air. Both the boys know exactly where this is heading, they just have no idea how to get it to that point. 

In the end, it’s Phil who initiates it. “How about we put us out of our misery?” 

“I – um… I – okay.” 

Phil smiles as he closes the gap between them.

And that is just the beginning of many firsts that happen in that closet.


End file.
